Day 5 - Morocco in the desert

An early start today as we were off to the desert. A quick breakfast and then we headed outside to meet our transfer for the excursion that we’d booked through the taxi driver. It was half the price of booking elsewhere so there was always the chance that it wasn’t going to happen.

Taxi man was waiting for but without his taxi, after a few minutes a Vauxhall Corsa pulled up and we were ushered in, but as we were getting in a minibus arrived and taxi man told us to get in that instead. That took us to another minibus where we met with some others and got on our way. Everyone else had vouchers, we had a WhatsApp message.

After 40mins, we arrived at our destination, quad bike and buggy adventures in the desert. We’d ‘booked’ a buggy, and when the guys there asked for my voucher I just said No and they were happy with that.

The signs there said that a driving license was required but we were never asked, no waivers either but somehow we all survived.

We were given some goggles and then a thorough briefing which basically involved someone pointing to the two peddles.

The adventure began, the quads were out first and we followed in the buggies, there were about eight quads and three buggies.

It didn’t take long for us in the buggies to figure out that if we dropped back, we were out of sight of the organisers and could drive more ‘spirited’. Confidence grew and soon we were on full opposite lock, powering through the bend and over the crests. Just then we came to a stop and one of the guys came over to have a word “no more cornering like that”. I’d been told.

That just meant I had to be doubly sure he was out of sight!

We stopped for a break after an hour and Harrison tried his best to find a snake despite everyone yelling at him not to go near the sparse foliage. One of the organisers then took him out on a quad which he loved.

After the safari we were taken back to their base camp for tea and offered the opportunity to give them tips before being loaded back into the minibus and heading back to the hotel.

We chilled for a bit and then went to one of the hotel pools to go on the water slides. Harrison made a friend who was from Northfield so I made sure to keep an eye on my phone.

After dinner we played Boules and unsurprisingly Harrison won again.

Day 4 - Morocco Lazy Day

Spoke too soon, H slept til 9am, a new world record! We went to breakfast where they were serving pancakes and then found the chef doing eggs, so some of those too. After some croissants and fruit we figured we’d had more breakfasts that a Hobbit and waddled off.

The hotel rep was on site so we went to see what he had to say. He tried to sell us tickets to excursions, I asked how much the Crocoparc was that we did on day 2, and it was double the cost plus you’re restricted to when the coach comes and goes so we left him to it and went for a walk. The plan was to walk along the fron5 until we found the road train which would take us to the harbour. The rep had told us where it was so we headed there. Obvs it wasn’t there, so we walked and walked and found a tourist info centre. They told us the train was just over there which it wasn’t so we decided that the train was a myth and just walked the route instead. On the way we stumbled across the first running of the Moroccan Historic car rally so we had a look at some classics (Ferrari Testarossa, Porsche 356, Lancia Delta, Austin Ambassador!) The sun was still behind the clouds but it was still getting warm so we stopped for a drink and carried on out hobbit like walk to the harbour. We eventually made it, without seeing the train at all and went to see Jack Sparrows pirate ship. The sun was out now and H was getting warm, we’d walked about 3 miles so opted for a taxi back.

The roads were closed due to the rally and the taxi driver vented his anger at the by blasting his horn for no good reason, I don’t know what he expected anyone to do!

Back at the hotel we grabbed a late lunch, BBQ chicken.

Harrison was now “the hottest he’s even been” so we headed for the sanctuary of our air conditioned room to cool off and avoid the afternoon heat wave.

Later we hit the water slide pool, Harrison has learned to scream when he goes down, but you probably knew that as you could hear him. The pool was quiet today only 2 or 3 others there which was nice.

Later we indulged in our all inclusive meal, the desserts were good today and we mostly ate meringues.

That evening I taught H how to play Boules which he loved and was genuinely good at considering his first throw was as accurate as a Scud missile.

We then had to have an early night as we had an early start tomorrow so I put the F1 highlights on to send him to sleep, works every time.

Day 3 - Morocco and the water park

We both awoke quite late this morning and headed down to breakfast. Following that I went and spoke to the taxi guys and worked out a deal to get to the water park later. We chilled for most of the morning but did go for a stroll along the front by the beach.

Late morning we went to the water park, it was new and very busy. The queuing here in Morocco is chaotic. If you leave the slightest gap in front, someone pushes in, I mean you practically have to have your nose on the person ahead. The tactic seems to be that some pushy woman wiggles in and then makes a fuss with arms everywhere blocking you while her family of 15 steam in. Elbows were sharpened at this point.

Once in, the place was huge, the main kids pool was 30cm deep and was the size of your average supermarket car park. In there were slides, climbing things, water jets and so on. We played for a bit and did some slides before going on the 1km long lazy river. Here we mostly recreated the Battle of Trafalgar by ramming the French until they surrendered.

Later we played catch a bit and eventually stopped for late lunch. Now this is basically a theme park so you can imagine the food prices, but not so. We shared a lovely large pizza that was freshly made in front of us, and two drinks for just £8!

Soon it was time to leave so we met our taxi man who appeared to know everyone in Agadir, and headed back to the hotel. The taxi man was very friendly and as he knows everyone is able to get cheaper excursions booked than via the usual methods so we swapped WhatsApp details for later.

Back at the hotel, Harrison wanted more pool time, so we hit the hotel pool and played on the slides for another hour before heading to dinner.

The food here is a bit of a challenge, there’s lots on offer but it’s not all appealing, and the good stuff gets raided by greedy people. The amount of people that load up plates and plates of stuff, take it to their table and then don’t eat it, is disgusting. We muddle through though.

As the food doesn’t start until quite late, it’s often bed time shortly after. Shark boy is zonked and fell asleep immediately, it won’t stop him waking at 6 tomorrow though!

Day 2 - Morocco Crocodiles

We both slept well, in fact Harrison was out like a light. We woke to the traditional Moroccan sound of seagulls, you just can’t get away from them can you.

We sampled the buffet breakfast and Harrison ate his own body weight of scrambled egg before moving on to bread then fruit, good lad! These buffets always confuse me, imagine if you were to do this at home, you just get all your random stuff out of your cupboard and fridge and call it breakfast. “Yea I think I’ll have some pink yogurt with dry bread followed by a slice of melon on pancakes with some tinned peach juice.”

With that out of the way it was time to explore so we walked the hotel grounds and I introduced Harrison to Boules as I figured he likes throwing stuff and then as it was overcast decided we’d take a trip to Crocoparc. Before this though, I needed some currency, so I went to reception which the bloke told me about when I checked in only to be told that it’s closed today. There are 3 receptionists all doing nothing and the money exchange counter was exactly one meter to their right, but no, closed today. So we went for a wander and used a random ATM which looked like it was a guy sat in a booth who put money through a slot, I may need to keep an eye on my bank balance!

We grabbed a taxi, negotiated a price which included the driver sitting around for 2 hours whilst we went around the park.

The Crocoparc was ace, it cost under £15 for us both and there were hundreds of crocs inside plus loads of climbing frames, archeology digs and all sorts of stuff. The drinks are a bit pricey but that’s fine. After 2 hours we left and our taxi man was waiting for us, I was genuinely surprised he’d waited for us. A week ago back home I had to get a taxi to Halfords to get a part for my car and the driver wouldn’t even wait 2 mins whilst I paid for it! So he had a nice tip and back we went to the hotel for lunch. It was Harrison’s happy day, chicken nugget buffet. Imagine Harrison was PAC Man and those little dots were chicken nuggets and that’s pretty much how it was.

After lunch we chilled in the room for a bit as the temperatures soared and then went to the pool. There are four water slides from fast to slow, Harrison was tentative at first and stuck to the slow slide but within a few minutes he was diving down them with less care than a kamikaze pilot.

We spent a good amount of time in the pool and on the slides and then went back to get changed. We nipped to the local supermarket for some basic supplies and got harassed by every shop owner in Agadir. Apparently every shop has a special on today and only for English and only because I’m their friend and yadda yadda. One restaurant owner showed Harrison some magic tricks which literally blew his mind so we must pay them a visit at some point.

Dinner doesn’t start until 7:30 so we’re both trying to avoid eating the duvet after the swimming has made us hungry so at 7:31 we were in the restaurant.

Afterwards Harrison wanted to ‘relax’ which mostly meant jumping on the beds like they were trampolines, we did try to watch TV but it was all in French, so we settled for YouTube instead and then had an early night.

I’ve been trying to figure out how to get to the new water park tomorrow but it mostly seems impossible as poorly written web pages and slow adoption of tour companies mean it would be easier to plan a trip to the moon and one of Saturns at that. I’ll try again in the morning.

Day 1 - Morocco

Today, Harrison and I started our holiday heading for Agadir in Morocco. It’s our first overseas holiday together on a plane as normally I have to pack so much stuff that meant we needed to stick with going somewhere by car. But now Harrison is 6 we can fit everything into a case.

We headed to the airport with plenty of time in hand and lorded it up by using the valet parking at the airport (only because it was cheaper than self parking somehow, maybe I should have checked the guys ID before I gave him my keys).

We checked in and it was incredibly efficient, last time I flew from Birmingham it was carnage. Security was less fun as always, whilst queuing the girl in front of us tried smuggling her drink bottle through but dropped it and it smashed everywhere. We then played the game of guessing whether you had to keep your shoes on, belt off, iPads in or out of the bag, I swear they change the rules every day.

Into the lounge we grabbed a bite to eat which resulted in me taking out a new mortgage in exchange for a small piece of chicken and a syrup based drink.

The gate opened shortly afterwards and the traditional queue formed and then some family decided to just walk to the front and claim they didn’t realise there was a queue. When someone moaned at them, they walked off,turned around and tried pushing in again. As we had assigned seats we just chilled for a bit but half expected the entitled family to be sat in the cockpit when we boarded claiming they didn’t know that was the pilots seat.

At takeoff, Harrison was very excited and was amazed how small cars were as we rose through the clouds. He was concerned that we’d be struck by space lightning though so I tried to explain that wasn’t a thing but I’m not sure he believed me.

At one point in the flight when returning from the bathroom an alarm went off and all the flight staff went into hyper mode and dashed around. At first I though my bathroom antics had set off some stink sensors but no one said anything.

The rest of the flight was uneventful, but as we touched down I noticed a bunch of fire trucks waiting for us which chased us down the runway. No one seemed concerned so maybe that’s standard Morocco protocol. However when the doors opened a bunch of paramedics charged on board and into the cockpit so it seems there may have been an emergency after all.

In true Connop efficiency style we were one of the first off the plane and first to get our luggage and headed out to get our transfer. Unfortunately it was a huge coach and we had to wait for everyone else so we may as well have been last out.

Our hotel was 2nd drop and I desperately hoped it wasn’t an Inbetweeners special. It looked ok, but the clerk refused to check us in until we’d eaten and sent us off to the restaurant.

It was buffet style and there was a massive array of unrecognisable shit that I wouldn’t give to a dog but outside they were catering for the English by serving the traditional Moroccan dish of burger and chips. Harrison dropped his on the floor 4 seconds after I gave it to him but the staff were really nice and although he felt sad it was all put right very quickly.

After dinner we were allowed to check in and a bell boy took our bags to the room although it seemed he’d never seen the hotel before as I had to show him the way by cunningly reading the signs.

A quick unpack after setting up the essential charging station and connecting to the WiFi and it was time to get some kip. Before that though we had to play the classic hotel game of finding which combination of the 12 light switches turned out the 9 different lights.

Day 8 (and 9) - Amiens

Today was Mark's happy day as the hotel breakfast had sausages and bacon so he promptly ate the lot.

On checking the bikes last night we noticed that Steve's chain was tight on his bike and needed adjusting so we went about finding somewhere that sold a spanner and an Allen key. The first shop had none, so we went to a cycle shop who also said they didn't have any despite having them on display in the window. So we went to a scooter shop who also didn't have anything. How can nowhere in the city sell spanners. When you ask they look at you like you're crazy. You can buy light up dog leads and snow skis, but not a spanner.

We opted to ride to the local BMW dealership, and when we got there Steve's bike was magically OK, it must have been the heat and lack of lube. We pretended to the BMW people that we'd meant to just drive through, park for 5 mins and then leave and got on our way.

After a few hours on the road, we stopped at the old F1 track in Reims, it used public roads and is now disused but the pits and grandstands still existed.

After some pics we treated the spectators to a racing fly by with the bikes where we topped out 4th gear as we thundered through. Steve was temped to try and beat the lap record which is currently held by some guy called Fangio but not with the cars around.

Afterwards we pushed on and stopped in a little village for a bite to eat. They had pics of sandwiches and baguettes but didn't understand our broken French, mimes or points at the pictures. We were about to go in the kitchen and make one ourselves when she suddenly clicked that we meant 'sandwich' and not 'sandwich' or 'sandwich', so she made us a sandwich.

The roads onward from here were super straight and the traffic was light so we managed to get a move on. The French also signposted when each and every corner was coming up like they had too many signs left over or something. 

We soon arrived in Amiens, a nice place in the north of France. Obviously it had a large cathedral too. Our hotel was very nice but our room was very small. To get into the bathroom for instance, you had to move the bed and we only found the wardrobe hidden behind the room door after about 20 mins. For some reason there was a rocking chair right in the middle of the room too.

We did have a balcony though which overlooked the park, unfortunately though, the park was full of nutters, shouting like crazy, but we had to have the balcony door open as there was no aircon or fan in the room.

We went out and checked out the cathedral before finding a whole host of riverside bars.

As usual for foreign bars, every other one was rammed, and the others were completely empty, no in between. We tried a couple out and had some tasty beers before heading back into the town for a meal at 'Big Bens' (we were home sick). Steve had a massive steak and Mark had a giant burger both of which were excellent.

Afterwards we headed back to the riverside for some last night drinks and were befriended by some other English people with a Wienerama and Viezla dogs who we chatted with for a while (we wanted to play with the dogs really).

Finally we decided that we should call it a night as it was a long ride home the following day.

Day 9 - Home

The journey home was pretty straightforward, a couple of hours on a toll road back to Calais, then the train to Folkestone followed by 3 hours home.

The motorways in England really showed how poor our driving standards are in England. Lane hogging, undertaking and random last minute lane changes/pushing in was common. Oh, how we missed the disciplined German autobahns and observant French drivers. Anyway, that's not news to anyone is it.

Well we had a great holiday, I hope you enjoyed reading about it, see you next time.

Mark & Steve.

Day 7 - Metz

Today we woke up early as the world trolley races were happening outside on the cobbles at 6am, or so it seemed. Later when we emerged from the room there was a market setup, so that may have been the actual reason.

We had breakfast in the hotel, where we abused the cold meat buffet.

On our way to check if our bikes were still there we had to go past the kebab shop that was closed last night… they were open for business at 9am, and people were in there tucking into a doner!

Tommo re-engineered his fix on his bike and has now perfected the gaffer tape solution. You’ll see this as an optional extra on BMWs website soon I bet!

We had great roads before the satnav took us off onto a single lane gravel donkey track, it was probably 3mm shorter or something. Unfortunately just after we were back on the good roads the rain hit for a bit. It wasn’t bad but bad enough to make the roads damp.

We stopped for food in a roadside french restaurant. The waitress didn’t speak English so we were fumbling through and she wasn’t happy. It turns out that despite the menu saying otherwise, she only had fish and as Mark doesn’t like fish we told her we’d just have drinks. That was it, how dare we just order drinks! She whipped away the knives and forks, pulled the table cloth and stropped away shouting in French. She was won the award for Mardy waitress, and we’ve had a few!

Just when we’d finished not eating some old people came up to us who were English and decided that because we were from the same island as them, we’d like to hear their life stories. They waffled on for about an hour and we tried to be polite for a while but in the end we were both playing on our phones whilst they told us what colour their aunts shoes used to be when she got on the train or some other boring shit.

As we were now struggling to stay awake we hit the motorway to get there quickly. Once in Metz we struggled with the satnav that took us around the town 3 times and the wrong way down a one way street. We made it alive though.

At check in, things went wrong as it turns out that a Tommo had only booked a single room. Luckily they had a spare room but we’d have to pay 40 euros more. Fair enough, so we went to park the bikes whilst she sorted that out then when we got back she said that we could have the twin room for free, we just had to pay for the extra breakfast. Then she apologised because she didn’t actually have any standard rooms left, so she’d have to give us a superior room for the same price. Ok then!

We went church hunting and found a massive cathedral and a nice church on the river, so we filled up our memory cards taking pics of them.

We stopped for some beers and food in a busy part of town and treated ourselves to some tasty crepes afterwards at one of the many places in the crepe District.

 

We started making our way back to the hotel and caught the end of an impressive light show projected against the cathedral.

Tommo then felt the need for a floater in the last bar which he thoroughly enjoyed