Heading home part 1

Today we were to start our journey home. We're planning to get as far as Carlisle today, so at least we'd be back in Blighty by nightfall.
We finally got to have breakfast in the pub, and a mighty fine breakfast it was, which included sliced sausage which was square and came with unlimited toast. Om nom nom.

We then decided to go souvenir shopping so went to the gift shop. It turns out that the gift shop doesn't sell gifts and they sent us to the knitting shop which did. Scotland is strange.

We started our journey south off of Skye which was pretty uneventful and we were soon onto mainland Scotland. We stopped several times for photos and got stuck behind a slow moving Nissan Micra. As we were stuck behind them, we decided to pull in and take more photos, but it turns out that they had the same idea too. It was now a race, which car could stop, take a photo and leave first. Martin dived out of our car, charged across the road and down the bank on the other side to get the best angle. Alonso in the car in front opted for a car side photo which was quicker but not so good. This meant martin had to cover twice the ground and was scrambling over the roadside bank. Mark and Stuart could feel the tension, and disaster nearly struck as the Golf's stop start technology cut the engine. Martin dashed back to the car having to go the long way back around to the passenger side meaning it was neck and neck as Alonso hopped back into the Nissan. Under instruction from team boss Stuart, Mark fired up the engine and threw it into gear, we were going to make it. Disaster struck again, the stupid auto handbrake wouldn't disengage! Mark had no choice but to go, we'd have to deal with the consequences later. The throttle was buried, both cars lurched forward, stones flying up behind and front wheels fighting for grip. By the end of the lay by we were in the lead, we'd done it, Alonso would have to settle for second! Screw you Alonso.

With victory well behind us we later stopped for lunch. We decided to avoid the lovely picnic stops, the ones that are sheltered, have toilets, benches and litter bins. Instead we sat on a cold wall running through Glencoe as an icy blast froze our hands and horizontal snow battered our faces. Needless to say the second half of our lunch was ate in the car.

We soon warmed up again and were racking up the miles. Upon approaching Glasgow, Martin double checked the fuel usage stats to determine how much fuel we needed to get in order to return the car on empty.  At which point he commented that by coincidence we would be empty only 20 miles short of Carlisle. "Mission Accepted" declared mark,  dropping the speed to double digits for the first time and entering fuel conservation mode.  This confused the car computer somewhat as it adjusted to this strange behaviour.  Headlights turned off,  heating denied to the passenger's,  the new ultra conservative mode was soon showing dividends. Carlisle was reached with 20 miles of fuel still aboard,  job done.  Or was it.!
Appatently the mission was to the hotel.  So be it. We cruised into town at rush hour and struggled our way around the one way system which Google Maps refused to recognise. We found the hotel just as the computer said that we had 0 miles left. But it wasn't so easy, getting to the hotel car park meant another lap around the one way loop, but Stuart had found a shortcut. Mark followed instructions to turn right although most of Carlisle blasted their horns at this and waved their hands in the air like they just didn't care. On reflection it was a no-right-turn but no animals or kids were hurt and we didn't get arrested so we figured that the locals just like a bit of drama.

We had a couple of subdued beers on the evening and hit a few games of pool, for some reason they use 4 white balls here. To finish the night off we watched Jack the Giant Slayer, we all thought it was okay, but as usual, picked it apart as some bits were unrealistic, who'd have thought.

Isle of Skye TT

We said yesterday that we'd let you know how the northern light photographs went. Well it didn't go so well, we didn't see anything, but we did find some of the fires from earlier still going, so went in hunt of those and then went back to the pub to collapse, it had been a long day!

When we got up, we'd missed breakfast again, this was fine, although it would probably be good, it would be a bunch of money for something we didn't need as we were still full from the massive meals the night before. We instead found a nice bakery and Mark found a new invention, a bacon and black pudding wrap, the scottish sure do do good food. Cederic (still not wanting us to call him Stuart on the blog) had some gorgeous sausage rolls while Martin just stocked up for later.

We were soon on our way to see some otters, we'd failed to see seals yesterday so that was on the cards too. This involved lots of rallying across the Isle again which was good fun and the sheep soon learned to jump out of the way.

We arrived at a loch where there were otters to be found, there was a pier which the otters play on, but they're fairly timid so we parked a little bit away and started sneaking down, just to be overtaken by a car that drove onto the pier and scared them all off. The people (lets call them Americans) then wondered why they couldn't see any otters anywhere. There were however lots of seals around so Martin and Cederic went off to take some pictures of these while Mark partook in the sport of caber tossing (which then scared off the seals too).

Back in the car we rallied on to another part of the island and found a tourist trap at the lighthouse. It was a fairly steep climb down and Mark fell over but saved dislocating his knee by knackering his wrist instead, all was fine later though. The lighthouse was pretty pathetic up close, all smashed up and dilapidated so we stopped for lunch which was nearly stolen by someone's crazy dog.

Onwards again via another castle, some more locks and then we came across an eagle, it's still under debate about what sort of eagle it is but it made Martin happy. Leaving the castle we also saw a Scottish man with bagpipes, we thought these would be more common, and were surprised that it had taken us three days to see one.

Returning to the pub, the woman behind the bar informed us that our breakfasts were included and was quite concerned why we hadn't had one yet. Needless to say, tomorrow is going to be a good day for eating, although Mark is a little concerned at how mad Tim will be that he's let some free stuff go by for two days.

We went out for food, we all had steak (our first of the holiday, can you believe it?), this made some of the locals scowl as we were at the #1 rated seafood restaurant on the island and none of us had any seafood. It was a cracking steak though, maybe they should change their speciality.

On the night we watched Scotland lose at sport again while Martin drank the bar dry (literally) of Jack Daniels.

Skye on fire

Today we decided to go and see some seals at the beach. This would involve an hours drive, and a two hour walk over a small hill so we decided to make up a packed lunch and get on our way.

The journey there was pretty uneventful, the roads around Skye are excellent so Mark could 'make progress' quite easily. We did see what we think must have been a Scottish bus, it was a  pickup truck with a bench on the back, although no one was on board so he could have just been taking his seat for a ride.

We arrived at the turn to the road that would take us down to the closest point to the seals which would leave us with a two mile walk. However, after going through the gate, it soon became obvious that the Golf wouldn't survive the road so we ditched the car and decided to walk instead. This would add 2.5 miles each way to our walk which wouldn't normally be a problem, but the hill that made up those miles certainly would give a challenge!

Where we climbed today

It was a gentle slope up and we made good time, and after a few stops for photographs, we got to the place where we should have been able to park. Unfortunately the rest of the way was unpaved and the hill we had to climb over was quite mountainous and varied between a 30 and 45 degree climb. We pushed on over this for some time before realising that it had taken us much longer than expected so we stopped for lunch before deciding it was best we turned back before we ran out of daylight. Sammy the seal and friends would have to wait for another day.

Just before we broke for lunch, we noticed some other hitchhikers following us, they were about to cross the river we'd just waded through and we thought nothing of this as we sat and scoffed our sarnies. We never did see them again which posed us with the question of whether to call mountain rescue or if they ever existed at all. We decided that our minds must have been playing tricks on us.

Just then a fighter jet weaver between the mountains and banked just above our heads before heading off to sea, Mark was very pleased that he'd come out with two photographers that always had their cameras to hand, what a good photo that would make. Unfortunately neither had their cameras to hand so you'll just have to take our word for it that it actually happened.

On the way back we were starting to get tired, and we took our time, it was a good job as Stuar...I mean Cederic accidentally slipped down a four foot hole and splashed mud all over himself. However any one who knows Cederic knows that he did this gracefully and without cursing at all ever.

Skye on fire

In the car on the way back, as we got close to the town we were staying in (the largest town on the island), we noticed a rather large fire in the distance. We stopped for petrol at this point, and I'm not saying that petrol here is expensive, but the person filling up next to us spent £408 on diesel! We asked the woman who worked there if the fire was normal. Apparently it's called a Falesh, and it's where there is a controlled burn of the heather to allow the grass underneath to grow for the animals. It's quite normal and common at this time of the year... however this one had got out of hand, it had already jumped a river and the fire brigade had been called.

Fire truck enroute to the farm while some tourist did
inappropriate things to the sandwich board in
the background

There was no choice in our minds, we had to go and investigate the fire, so we headed in the rough direction and soon the sky was red, we couldn't see the hills for smoke and we were on a single track road that lead to a farm. We stopped and took some pics before heading back to town and watching from a distance. As we got to town a fire engine went past us and ended up at the same very farm we were just at, it turns out that we'd beat them there. The fire was pretty impressive, but we decided to get changed and get something to eat in town, priorities.

We found this nice restaurant called The Dining Room. We ordered our starters and Cederic asked the waitress about the fire. She sheepishly said "My dad had nothing to do with it!" and ran off. I think we may have touched a nerve! The food there however was nice, but for some reason they were now a staff member down so we had to wait a little while between courses. We didn't notice however as the same Scottish track kept skipping and was on a 20 second loop so time sort of blended into a Groundhog Day style experience.

Back at the room, we rested a little bit before heading out for some night photography (this didn't involve hanging around nightclubs, but rather of the northern lights). It's not meant to be a great night for it, the smoke from the fire won't have helped and it's a full moon, so the sky is fairly bright but we had to give it a go. We'll let you know how it went next time.

Sky(e) Go

First night holiday rules dictate that we all go out and extremely drunk, we failed at this however as our eyes were bigger than our bellies and we had a massive meal which made us all stuffed and Cederic (aka Stuart) was barely awake at the table, although this may have to do with him being up until 5am the previous night.

We had a few drinks and then got a taxi back. Luckily Cederic speaks Scottish as neither Mark or Martin had a clue what the taxi driver was on about, we think he may have been drunk. We had a night cap back at the hotel which comprised of some single malt.

An early(ish) start the next day as we wanted to catch the Grand Prix, but it wasn't a good start. Firstly there wasn't any hot water in the shower, so we all smell now (I know, I know, we all normally smell any way - haha). But the biggest problem was that when we got to the pub for breakfast, the F1 wasn't on BBC - not a problem, Sky Go will sort us out via the Wifi, or it would if the stupid Wifi hasn't stupidly blocked the stupid F1. We attempted to get our own back on the restaurant by eating too much breakfast from the buffet, we showed them!

We checked out and went to Stirling Castle, which was quite impressive but the locals wanted to charge £15 each for us to have a look around so we just skirted around the outside and Martin took some pictures up a mans kilt. It was then time to go to a sweet shop that we found, between us we spent over £20 on sweets, Mark was very happy that they had a good selection of giant strawberry cables.

Stirling was soon behind us and we headed along the scenic route to the Isle of Skye, Cederic had planned the route and it was very pretty. Due to the lack of snow on the roads, we took some options to provide us with even better views but this did mean that we came across a little snow. It turns out that it was quite a lot of snow and after about 4 miles of going up a hill, the car got stuck several times (once in a ditch and another time in snow that nearly went above the wheels). Mark and Cederic both had fold up shovels, justifying their purchase which was mocked by many at the time.

All in all it took about an hour to dig the car out and to get to the summit, front wheel drive diesel Golf's aren't designed for mountain climbing and we're quite sure that the clutch was on it's last legs. To put it in context the road we went up was good enough to sledge down and we were the only people to attempt going up it.

Coming down the mountain was a little easier, although there was a close call when a deer jumped out in front of the car about 10 meters in front before bounding down the hill showing us how it's done. When we got to the bottom we found several herds of deer at the road side who were probably mocking us the whole time.

We then briefly visited a Dam which looked like it should be part of a James Bond set, and we stopped here for a late lunch and got some energy back.

The next part of the journey involved fast empty single lane roads around the mountains, everyone was a winner here, Cederic and Martin both got to take lots of photos, and Mark got to drive fast. We stopped several times for photos involving an old castle, an eight foot icicle and some horses dressed as highland cattle.

There was one other stop where we had to say goodbye to one of Cederic's ornaments. Before we left we took his balsa wood ship that he'd built and had spent most of the journey finding a fitting loche to sail it on. We decided upon the imaginatively named Loch Lochy and to make sure it had a good maiden voyage, we set it on fire and then threw rocks at it. It died.

Some hours later we arrived at our hotel on the Isle of Skye, it turns out that it's actually a pub which we now have keys to, things could get messy. The chef is good though, we all ordered the steak pie and when one was put on the table, it was so large that we thought we were all sharing it, but it turns out we had one each. We're not convinced that the steak wasn't actually  Shetland Pony but it was bloody gorgeous!

Scotland!

It's vacation time again, Mark, Martin and Stuart (now known as Cederic as he didn't want us to use his real name) are off to Scotland, more specifically, the Isle of Skye. The end goal is to see the northern lights which is a bit of a gamble, but you have to try these things.

We picked up the hire car last night, we'd booked a Focus and so they gave us a Golf. Mark's only requirement was that it had a real handbrake and not a stupid automatic one, to which the guy at the car rental place confirmed that it was a proper handbrake. The car was fine, the boot space is going to be tight but it had a nice stereo and was practically new, although it took Mark a little while to get it going as he couldn't figure out how to turn off the stupid automatic handbrake thing.

We then went out for a nice curry with Keith and returned to Cederic's house to watch England destroy San Marino. We clearly hadn't thought through the concept of having a curry the night before all sitting in the confines of a car the next day for 8 hours.

An fairly casual start thr next day began by watching the F1 qualifying before looking out of the window to see 3 inches of snow. This could be an interesting journey as the weather people were predicting 15 inches of snow along our way. Still, we didn't panic and went for breakie.

We then tested our tetris skills by getting our luggage into the space. We stocked up on essential items like water, chocolate and a sledge.

The first leg of the journey wasn't too bad, the roads were mostly clear although there was repeated warnings saying "snow plow slow down". So we dashed off in search of this speeding snow plow to help get it to reduce it's speed.

After about 4 hours we reached Hadrian's Wall, although it turned to just be Adrian's concrete wall, so we pushed on to find the real wall. Once there we paid an extortionate fee to look at a wall that is no longer there. They did have some good slopes for the sledge though, it seems the Romans didn't expect an assault by sledge.

After invading England we headed out and soon found ourselves following a police car. However, the 'pol' was missing from their 'police' sign, so it just read 'ice'. It turns out that you're not to flag them down in such circumstances and ask for two 99s and a Tiptop.

Before we left the home land and entered the uncivilised lands of Scotland we stopped for some afternoon tea. Here we lapped up the last of the English traditions by eating lots of cake.

Soon we were in Scotland who clearly were still reeling from their defeat against Wales and every other nation ever in every sport ever. We arrived in Stirling where we were to spend the night. First night holiday rules apply, so we're about to go out and get stupidly drunk. Ironically thus is the one thing the Scottish may beat us at.